Love and Hope Lost

Have you ever taken a mental health day? Felt so overwhelmed with anxiety that it became too daunting to get up, shower and prepare for work? Lost the ability to prioritise tasks? feeling 'burnt out'? You are not alone.

My eighteen years of teaching has gone by so fast. The amount of paperwork and 'behind the scenes' responsibilities has increased and taken it's toll. I'm exhausted.

I began teaching when overhead projectors where the best teaching technology and at a time when chalkboards extisted. It feels like a life time ago. Now we have little children bringing in mobile phones, posting dance videos to social media and being exposed to the world at an age we wouldn't even consider 'back in the day'.

There have been memorable and non-memorable classes, challenging classes and classes that were a 'breeze' to teach. I miss teaching children who were known to be 'easy'. Those children who make you want to turn up, the childen with confidence, with love in their lives and hope in their futures.

After about 10 years of teaching I was then beginning to be given classes with more challenging children. The children who were left behind by other teachers. The cohort of children that many teachers didn't want to teach. Those 'poor' little children that noone wants. But I took those children under my wings, sometime by choice, and at other times due to my experience.

The problem though, was that the difficult cohorts of children and teaching 'difficult' children in particular, began to take it's toll on my mental health. When people ask me about my teaching and the current school i'm at, I don't disclose the location, but I tell them that i've lost the passion, that schooling has changed and that children are different these days. It's a tough gig.

It's not that I can't do my job, it's just that i've lost the passion I once had. My mental health began to suffer and deteroriate. One mental health day turned in to weeks... in to months.

Only in the confines of the school staffroom can teachers voice their struggles, challenges and pain. Only with psychological support can you share your thoughts.

What is also just as difficult is that teachers feel 'gagged' from speaking out. When you inform leadership of your detorioration they direct you to seek counselling and ensure you undertake 'self care'. In fact, teachers are gagged from having any opinion on their role, and if you do say something, things change.

Mental health and wellbeing in schools is a teachers' problem to solve, independently. The direction to attend counselling is their only solution. There may be the tokenistic professional learning on health and wellbeing, emails regarding taking care of yourself but nothing to genuiely support teachers while in the workplace, especially if you have a mental illness.

There are no significant adjustments made to help teachers return to work. While there are many many colleagues to talk with and offload some of the work, that is not fair on other teachers. We then become counsellors for not only the struggling children, but for our struggling colleagues.

Only through stepping back in to the classroom after a long absence will I know if I've lost the passion to teach. Only with the support of family and friends will I know. And only through keeping busy with SB Classroom Solutions do I feel connected to my profession.

So much to consider. Where to next? How does one regain the passion, the love and hope, or is it lost forever?

About the Author

Shellie is an experienced teacher specialising in early childhood education. With over 15 years experience, her passion is in the areas of teacher wellbeing, positive behaviour management and creating inspiring learning environments. She has an Etsy Shop dedicated to simple documents for busy teachers.

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